


Polaris

by Tamakoharu_matuer



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Fluff, Hiyori POV (mostly), How Do I Tag, M/M, Romance, Stargazing, Tono Hiyori is a good boy, canonverse, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 01:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamakoharu_matuer/pseuds/Tamakoharu_matuer
Summary: "He finally notices the endless sky above his head. He can’t take his eyes off of the dark coat spangled with a thousand gemstones shining bright and ends ups losing himself in contemplation. He falls back reminiscing that night, six years ago: the intimate talk he shared with Haru, the exact moment he could feel nothing else mattered. Still, he can feel it is different tonight."





	Polaris

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fic in English, so I apologize for my mediocre level but still hope you'll find it satisfying;;
> 
> Stargazing was a theme I always loved and ever since @makoharued made me listen to Stargazing by Kygo, the idea got stuck in my head.  
> If you want to listen to it: https://youtu.be/HW6He6mD0Kk

 

Huge heart-shaped balloons in Shibuya’s streets, chocolate boxes displayed in every store; Hiyori can feel Valentine is a few days away and he still hasn’t asked Ikuya what his plans are. He’s been avoiding making chocolates or buying anything because he doesn’t want to seem too obvious. He just wants to be able to share a good time with him so he decides to go for something more peculiar.

On their way home after sharing some sweets and coffee at Hiyori’s favorite café, he starts to feel overwhelmed by the romantic aura arising from the shops: the stores clerks dressed in cute outfits to entice for the best perfumes and neckties, the love songs from the top charts of this year reverberating against the buildings, the outstanding number of couples holding hands in that exact moment… it’s too much for him to take.

He finally dares to ask:

“Hey Ikuya, are you free on the 14th?” He has trouble putting his thoughts together. “I mean, in the evening of course.”

 Ikuya raises an eyebrow, intrigued by the question.

 “Hm, yeah I guess? But, weren’t we supposed to meet like everyday anyway?”

 Hiyori suddenly realizes how dumb his question sounds. The surrounding atmosphere doesn’t help him get his thoughts straight but he still tries to make up for it.

 “Oh, yeah! You’re right, indeed…. Actually, it’s because there’s somewhere I would like to go on that day.”

 His embarrassment couldn’t be more obvious: his cheeks are burning and he avoids meeting Ikuya’s gaze. Still, Ikuya doesn’t seem to notice anything weird in his attitude. He simply agrees to accompany him on that day.

 “Yeah, sure.”

 - - -

 On the 14th they meet as usual after practice, but instead of heading to Marron they hit the road with the car Hiyori rented. It takes them a full hour to get out of Tokyo and its suburb and another one to reach their destination, still unknown to Ikuya.

 They spend the ride discussing the training menu that’s gotten tougher, their first year of university already coming to an end and Ikuya’s birthday arriving soon… Hiyori is usually the one who talks more, always leading the conversation, but this evening Ikuya is quite talkative. It is surprising, but in a good way. Being able to see Ikuya in such an easy-going mood is rare, so he listens to the sound of his voice while gazing at the sunset coloring the skyline in a thousand nuances of purple.

 As night has finally fallen, Hiyori stops the car in what seems to be a resting area. But there isn’t anything in sight, only empty wheat fields wetted by the coldness of the night. It is pitch black and the car headlights are the only help Ikuya gets to avoid stumbling when stepping out. Hiyori gets out too and turns on the flashlight app of his phone to grab two blankets in the trunk. Ikuya is confused but doesn’t let out a word yet; Hiyori puts the first blanket on the grass a few meters away and sits on it before inviting him to do the same by patting the free space, then offers the second one to protect him from February’s chilly wind. Ikuya covers his shoulders up silently and imitates Hiyori who has laid down.That’s the moment he understands why they are here.

He finally notices the endless sky above his head. He can’t take his eyes off of the dark coat spangled with a thousand gemstones shining bright and ends ups losing himself in contemplation. He falls back reminiscing that night, six years ago: the intimate talk he shared with Haru, the exact moment he could feel nothing else mattered. Still, he can feel it is different tonight. There is no meteor shower to wish on nor anything special to believe in. Hiyori can read it on his face, he knows him better than anyone else after all. He expected that reaction, he prepared himself for it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts. It hurts his feelings as a friend and crushes his hope to become more than that. It is the occasion to definitely embrace the fact that he will never be number one in Ikuya’s heart. But he doesn’t want to let these dark thoughts get to him, so decides to break the silence to bring Ikuya back from his daydream.

 “As you said you couldn’t see the stars in Tokyo, I thought it would be nice to take you somewhere you could remember some good memories.”

 Ikuya can hear in the tone of Hiyori’s voice what he truly means, he doesn’t need to see his face to understand how he truly feels. They both know each other too well and it is precisely why Ikuya urges to justify himself.

 “No, that’s not i--” But Hiyori cuts him.

 “It’s fine Ikuya, really. Let’s just enjoy the view together.”

 The silence of the night weighs on them but they still manage to focus on their respective gifts: the neverending diamonds-sprinkled sky for Ikuya, Ikuya’s presence for Hiyori. Both can’t take their eyes off of what they believe to be the most beautiful thing in the world. Hiyori knows that no matter how many times or how long he stares at him, he always ends up realizing that he doesn’t deserve him. He wishes he could be honest with Ikuya but mostly with himself and confess how he truly feels. Yet, he is not sure he has the right to do so.

 “Ikuya”

 He turns his head to face Hiyori after hearing his name.

 “What is it?” he asks genuinely.

 Hiyori hesitates a second, holds his breath, expecting his body to makes the decision in his stead and finally exhales.

 “You know, the reason I wanted to take you here was that I didn’t want your memory with Nanase to be the only one you have of stargazing.”

 He can feel his whole body boiling with every word he lets out.

 “Actually, I wanted you to make that new memory with m--”

“Hiyori.”

 He literally freezes when hearing Ikuya’s voice over his. Is he angry? Disappointed of how egoist he can be?

 “You don’t need to justify yourself over everything you do for me... and to be perfectly honest, I’m enjoying this moment. Thank you for bringing me here tonight.”

Ikuya seems at peace with himself, as if he just got rid of a burden. Hiyori on the other hand is stiff and embarrassed and so he decides to name the constellations to calm down. He shows Ikuya the Pisces first, then the Capricornus, followed by all the other zodiac signs. Ikuya listens carefully, as if he is trying to memorize a lesson.

But as he’s never been a good student, he gets distracted eventually and ends up explorings the milky way on his own. He interrupts his teacher’s lecture he wasn’t paying attention to anymore and asks for more details on the ones he is interested in. Hiyori brings answers to his interrogations, pleased to see him so passionate. But Ikuya suddenly becomes silent to Hiyori’s surprise, seemingly fascinated by something in particular. Hiyori tries to follow his stare to understand what can be so fascinating. He hears him mumble something before understanding his words:

 “What’s this one? … what’s her name?”

“Which one?”

 There are too many stars in that sky for Hiyori to know which one Ikuya is asking about.

 “That one over there, the very shiny one! The brightest among all.”

 Hiyori finally figures out the one Ikuya is talking about. It’s _that_ one. Brighter than any other in this glowing river, indeed.

“Oh, that one is Polaris. It’s also called the North Star or Pole Star and it’s the brightest star in the constellation of Ursa Minor. It was used in navigation since ancient times to guide the sailors.”

 Ikuya giggles and Hiyori asks baffled what is funny.

 “Nothing, it’s just that it reminds me of you.” he replies showing a cute smile.

 It doesn’t help Hiyori understand at all; he demonstrates how puzzled he is and Ikuya giggles once more.

 “Well…” He puts his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees. “Even in the darkest nights where I couldn’t see, you were always watching over me. I should have noticed it way before but… guess I needed some help to see clear again.”

 He pauses.

 “You took me here because you didn’t want my memories of stargazing to be only with Haru, right?”

“Well it’s more that--”

“But this moment doesn’t replace the old one. After all, they are completely different…”

 Hiyori looks embarrassed, as if he’s made a mistake and is blaming himself.

 “Actually, tonight is better than six years ago…. The problem with meteor showers is that they never last. But it’s different with these stars; the Pole Star will always be there no matter how many years pass, right?”

 Hiyori knows there is only one answer to this question, though he hesitates to answer. Deep inside, he is afraid of Ikuya’s reaction. Still, he closes his eyes to gather all the courage he needs to phrase it:

“Of course, Ikuya. No matter the years, no matter what happens, the Pole Star will always be shining bright for you to find it, whenever you need it, wherever you are.”

 He said it. He actually said it. But oh god, it sounds so cheesy…. Was it really okay to say something so important with his eyes closed like a damned coward?

 

“Hiyori”

 He hears Ikuya calling his name but he is too afraid to open his eyes. He doesn’t even know what is scaring him, he just knows he can’t look at him in the eyes yet. Ikuya keeps on calling him:

 “Hiyori. Hiyori.”

 He always loved hearing Ikuya call his name. It sounds so soft in his mouth, it never fails to warm his heart. How many times will Ikuya call him before getting bored? He wonders… He hears his name once more, but supported by a delicate touch on his shoulder that makes him slightly startle. He opens his eyes out of surprise and discerns irises reflecting all the stars in the sky locked on him, too close; way too close. His brain can’t process correctly before Ikuya caresses his cheek and leans over for their lips to meet. It is soft and warm, as Hiyori always imagined. As soft as Ikuya’s hair, as warm as Ikuya’s hands. He wants to close his eyes again to relish the moment but also wishes to memorize every detail of Ikuya’s expression. He senses electricity running through his whole body and dares to admit it is an addicting feeling he could wholeheartedly drown in.

It is a kiss that only lasts a few seconds, but those precious seconds taste like forever for them. When they part their lips, the only sounds that can be heard are the beats of their racing hearts and the panting of their mixed breaths; when they come to realize what just happened, they can’t help but look away out of embarrassment. After their heartbeats and breathing settle down, Hiyori doesn’t feel brave enough to break the crushing silence of the night; he reaches for Ikuya and simply puts his hand on his. It is still as warm as usual despite the cold weather and it reassures him. His own fingertips are frozen but he doesn’t really care; he just hopes it doesn’t bother Ikuya. Although, he can feel that warmth abruptly wrapping up his fingers and squeeze the palm of his hand. It surprises him, but it is pleasant and it makes him feel he belongs there, by Ikuya’s side. It is as if they were connected to each other and couldn’t let go… but for how long?

 All of Hiyori’s insecurities inevitably resurface at once like a blow, making him doubt any of this is real. And if it is, is it truly okay for him to be this happy right now? Is someone like him allowed to feel such sheer bliss from this moment? And what if Ikuya kissed him only to be kind to him? What if Ikuya did it only because he pitied him? He tries to fight those nasty thoughts, though there is still that little voice whispering _what if_ during all the enjoyable moments of his life, as a cursed melody he should never forget.

He doesn’t want to think about it now, he wants to value the time he is having with Ikuya. But it is hard to chase the demons of the past away and Ikuya feels Hiyori’s struggle through the shaking grip crushing his fingers. He is not sure about what is precisely going through Hiyori’s mind but he knows uncertainties strike him in the least expected moments. He manages to free himself from that panicked grasp and squats to face him and grab his frozen cheeks to heat them up.

He looks at him as if he could see through his soul and whispers:

 “Hey, Hiyori… let’s date?”

 Hiyori wonders if everything happening tonight is not just a dream; it feels like some kind of spell was cast on him and the magic will fade away if he doesn’t reply now. He wants to give Ikuya his answer, he wants to be able to feel this fortunate everyday. Yet, he is not sure whether it is the wintry air or his incertitude that ended up drying his throat up, but no sound comes out of his mouth when he tries to speak out.

In an attempt to nudge Hiyori, Ikuya rubs his thumbs on his cheekbones but feels something warm unexpectedly trickle down his palms; he also hears sobs being hardly contained. It doesn’t take Ikuya long to figure the situation out, and so he blurts a soft giggle out while taking him into his arms to embrace him tenderly.

 “I take that as a yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of love to @Hicchan who dealt with my dumb ass through this story and to @makoharued who created that gorgeous moodboard ;w;
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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